OH YEAH! I've improved!

289 words

Speedtest

Observation

As I was looking over my blog today, I realized something. That picture of me, right over there on the right. Yeah, I've seen it hundreds of times, it's the same picture that is on my IM's too. Anyway, I'm standing close to a sign on our wall that says "Home is where your story begins." However, I just realized today that it is over my head and says "HO." How come nobody points these things out to me? I feel like Elaine on Seinfeld when she sent out the Christmas cards with her picture and she didn't realize she was exposing herself in it. Oh well, everybody's seen my "Ho" picture now....I'm leaving it.
Love,
Your Local Ho

Finger Exercises

118 words

Speed test

I got this from Reagan's blog. Joey and I did this test several months ago, because he was claiming that he typed so much faster than me. HA! I kicked his trash, by like thirty some words a minute. Who? Me? Competitive? Naaaah......only with Joey when he makes a claim that I KNOW isn't true. Take it and post your results!

House Call

Last Thursday was the first day of Spring Break for the Bigs. Aaaaah. I get to sleep in. For three blissful weeks, I don't have to wake up when it's still dark, and try to drag kids out of bed and get them ready. I was SO looking forward to sleeping in on Thursday.........then along came Jack.

Jack enters my room at 6:30 am. I hear him, and feel him climb up on my bed, but keep my eyes closed. Jack leans over me and starts talking to me. I ignore him. Jack repeats. I ignore some more, and keep my eyes closed. I'm hoping if he realizes I'm not answering, he'll go back to bed. After playing this charade for a good fifteen minutes, I realize that I'm crazy. He's not going to shut up and go back to bed! WHY would I think he would go back to bed? Of COURSE he wakes me up early on the first day of break. I resign myself to getting up, and sit up in bed, to which Jack responds with "OOOOH MOM! YOU AWAKE!" I mumble something back under my breath, grab a tissue and blow my nose. Then I start coughing. Jack leans over in my lap and says "Mom, you got a cold? Or you got a hot?" I close my eyes, shake my head back and forth, to clear my ears, and say "What?" Again he repeats it..."You got a cold? Or you got a hot?" I look at him and start laughing. He says "Here, let me see" He then grabs my arm, puts his hand on it, feels it for a few seconds, literally THROWS my arm back down and says "Yep, you got a hot"

So, I guess my early morning wasn't a waste after all. Not only did I get a "wake up call" from a three year old, but I also got a house call and was diagnosed with "a hot." I'd better stop taking that cold medicine.....evidently I've been treating myself all wrong.

WHAT did he say? Part II

Elijah was assigned to give a talk in Primary this week for Easter Sunday. We prepared a great object lesson complete with Easter eggs. He chose five kids to come to the front and gave them all a plastic egg. He instructed them not to open it until he told them to. Then, Eli built up about what is probably inside their eggs. "Do you think it's candy? It's probably candy, because that's what we get in Easter eggs. I can't WAIT to eat the candy." After a minute or two of build up, he had them open their eggs, to find.....(drum roll please)..... absolutely nothing. He then went on to talk about how Easter is when we celebrate the empty tomb of Christ. That even in "emptiness" we can find "sweetness" by overcoming death through him. He did a great job, with just one little hitch...
We had went through his talk three times in the morning. He always got hung up on the word "crucified" and would ask me what it was. After three times, I figured when he got to that word during his talk, he may pause, but would remember what it was quickly. Boy was I wrong! Instead, this is how that part went:

"Jesus' friends took his body and placed it in a tomb after he was CIRCUMSIZED."

(Yes, that's supposed to read "CRUCIFIED")

I let out an audible gasp and blurt out "CRUCIFIED, THAT'S CRUCIFIED, ELI!" Eli reads on, oblivious to what he had just said. Every adult in there was laughing so hard they were wiping away tears. Most of the kids were clueless, except for the older ones, who were snickering and repeating it back and forth to each other. All in all, it probably took second place to his prayer a few months ago, complete with swearing. (Please see post titled "WHAT did he say?")

He spoke clearly, he spoke slowly, and he delivered his one liner like a professional comedian. He, of course wasn't trying to be funny. However, I think maybe we should start selling tickets to sharing time whenever Eli has to take his turn at the microphone. Hope it gave you a laugh too!

Just Another Week In Paradise

It's been a crazy week here at the Nielsen Nuthouse, but then again, that's basically the norm. I picked up a couple extra shifts at work, and last weekend was my regular weekend to work also. So this means, I was gone a lot of evenings in the past week. When I am gone a lot at night, I usually have a week's worth of "surprises" waiting for me. It's just a matter of time before I find them all.

Surprise #1- It was the last week for the "Box Tops For Education" fund raiser at the Bigs' school. This means we were tearing off Betty Crocker box tops in everything that was in the pantry. After all.....the winning class gets an ice cream party and evidently that's a HUGE deal. Campbell's soup labels are also worth money, but I only had a few soups that were actually Campbell's and call me crazy, but I'm not too keen on having label-less cans in the pantry . So I helped the boys gather up the box tops and we divided them evenly for them to take to their classes. After being gone several nights, one morning I walked into the pantry to get something. When I glanced over at the "soup shelf", there were about three dozen soup cans staring at me, and glistening in all their NAKED glory. I immediately call Eli into the kitchen, because if you know Eli, you automatically know that this was an Eli type of job. He comes bounding into the kitchen "Yeah, Mom?" I walk him into the pantry and simply point to all the naked cans. He gets this HUGE smile on his face and says "I KNOW! Can you believe we forgot all of those! I think my class is going to win now!" I respond "Well, OK, but first of all, they have to be Campbell's labels and second of all, how am I supposed to know what's INSIDE the cans now?" Eli's jaw drops open, his eyes get big and he says "Oh, I didn't really think about that." So the next day, I delivered three dozen label-less cans to the food pantry to help needy families. I figure it's kind of like a lottery ticket.....they won't know what they have until it's opened. On my way home, I stopped at the store and spent a small fortune to restock my pantry with canned goods. Which brings me to......

Surprise #2- After working my weekend shifts, again, I walk into the pantry one morning and notice that there are not many cans on the bottom two shelves. Funny, I JUST restocked those. Then I think for a minute and figure my family must have went on a soup fest over the weekend while I was at work. Six meals, five males, that makes for a lot of soup. So I shrug it off and make a mental note to once again, stop at the store and restock my soups. Fast forward three hours when I notice that the garbage is full and I need to take it out. I untuck the top of the bag from the can, pull up on the drawstrings and....NOTHIN'! It doesn't budge. I make a second attempt and really give it my all. The only thing that happens is the bag stretches, and the drawstrings rip through it. Lovely. I bend down to just pick up the whole can and carry it outside to dump, and about give myself a hernia. This thing weighs a metric ton! I lift a few papers and tissues off the top, to see a giant mound of canned goods, thrown into the garbage can. Not open, complete with labels, just tossed in there. The garbage is literally filled with all the cans that were within Logan's reach. I "unpack" the garbage, and again, restock my pantry with canned goods. I then make a mental note to purchase a retina scanner to install on the pantry door for access. I'm getting serious now. On to......

Surprise #3-I then head downstairs to check my e mail. Our office is off of a large room that is basically without purpose. So, it became our food storage room. We have about six sets of shelves and our deep freeze in there. Logan likes to go "shopping" in the food storage room, and help himself to any item he can reach. This explains a lot when I turn the corner into the office to see powdered sugar ALL over the desk, both computers, the printer, three office chairs, the carpet, and anything else that has a horizontal surface. By this time, I am standing with my toes over my mental cliff. I look at the five pounds of powdered sugar again, turn off the light, and walk back upstairs. Sometimes, I just have to wait to deal with things, and this was one of those times. Instead, I got in the van and wandered the aisles of Target to find my "inner peace." Aaaah the joys of retail therapy.

The Grandaddy of them all...Surprise #4- Last night when I tucked Jack into bed, his room REAKED. I briefly looked around for one of Logan's old diapers that got left in there, but didn't see anything. This morning when I went into his room, the stench was still there, and it was BAD. I KNEW it was an old diaper that was hiding somewhere. I begin to tear apart his room, because the smell is starting to make my eyes water. I pull the bed out, I tear the bed apart, I look in the closet, in the dirty clothes basket, in the toy baskets. NOTHING. I know I have a sensitive nose, but this thing HAS to be found, it's potent and down right nasty. I get down on my hands and knees and start smelling areas of the carpet for lack of anything else to check. My nose leads me to the heating vent. I pull it out of the floor, look down the duct where I find.......POOP! Yes, HUMAN POOP in the ventilation duct in Jack's room. I yell "JACK? DID YOU POOP IN HERE?" "No!" he says and then runs off and hides in my closet. What on EARTH would posess a three year old to do this? To make a long story short, Jack confessed, is grounded from TV, and spent the rest of the morning in his room, wearing a diaper. I told him if he doesn't know where to go to the bathroom that he has to go back to wearing diapers. Ten minutes with a diaper on was all it took for him to be remorseful. I spent over an hour cleaning out the heating duct. Nothing like poop that has had hot air blowing on it all night long to freshen up a bedroom. I can't even begin to tell you how gross it was cleaning it out. Then, in the middle, the heat kicked on and I was getting blasted in the face and hair with poop scented hot air. Oh, the glories of being a mom to toddlers. I just kept thinking of what Joel asks me...."So... when we were making out on the football field at the University of Iowa, did you EVER imagine it leading to THIS?" No. No I did not. Good thing love blinds us to the suprises that lie ahead! I'm assured by every grandparent that we will look back on these days and miss them. So, I am inviting all parents of grown children to come have a day of surprises at my house. I'll even supply the rubber gloves and lysol. Any takers?

Primary Colors

Being from the Midwest, we've basically lived away from family for the past 13 years. So we are always happy when there is a sibling attending BYU. It makes us feel like we aren't the Lone Rangers out here. So when Reagan and Allen moved to SLC for a job Allen took after college, we were excited to have family just down the road. This means that I get to be a part of my niece's lives while they are little, and vice-versa. This makes my boys extremely happy, since they can always count on their Uncle Allen to play games like....swing the nephews around in the bottom of a sleeping bag, or make "nephew sandwiches" out of the couch cushions. They also know that when Aunt Reagan is here, there are sure to be lots of laughs and she will ALWAYS find their bathroom humor hilarious. I mean, what can be cooler than an Aunt that laughs at your "poo" joke while your mom is staring you down with dirty looks from the other side of the room? So when Reagan came through the door at dinner time one night, my boys were excited to see her and have her stay. Joel wasn't home and Aunt Reagan comfortably slides into the entertainment chair during dinner time. She said she had already eaten, but she'll play a "game" with them while they eat.

I dish up everybody's plates, and we sit down. Reagan returns to the table with a bowl of water and a tablespoon. She then says "OK, who wants to play SPLASH with me?" My boys are jumping up and down in their seats, waving their hands in the air "I DO, I DO!" While I am looking at her thinking "A game called splash with a bowl full of water at the dinner table....WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" She goes on to explain that there are four rounds to the game. She will ask a question and then you go around the table, as fast as you can, trying to guess the answer. If you get the answer right, you get a spoonful of water splashed in your face. My boys have smiles on them like Cheshire cats. I am now looking at her with my mouth open and eyes the size of our dinner plates. She starts off by saying "I'm thinking of a family member.....who is it?" My boys start shouting out answers..."AUNT KATRINA! UNCLE LOGAN! GRANDMA!" Reagan stops the game to explain that we have to go around the table and take turns, but go as FAST as we can. I am then told that I am expected to participate. We start up again, Noah and Eli are giving legitimate answers such as "ABIGAILl" and "UNCLE JERRY." While I am trying to think of the farthest removed relative I possibly have..."My Grandma Frieda's half sister? No? Oh dang!" Jack on the other hand is clueless as to how this game is played and he is just jumping up and yelling out ANYTHING when Reagan points to him. "MICKEY MOUSE!" and "LITTLE EINSTEINS!" were among his answers. Finally Noah shouts out "UNCLE MATTHEW!" and quickly gets a tablespoon of water in his face. My boys erupt into hysterics and think this is the best game since Twister. They are just DYING to get the water in their face. I don't know who is laughing harder at this point, Noah, Eli and Jack, or Reagan. On to round two......

Reagan says "I'm thinking of an number between 1 & 20." Again, we go around the table at lightning speed and I'm giving answers like "3.14?" Soon, Noah yells out "6" and again gets water in his face. Eli is visibly disappointed that he didn't get it and begs Aunt Reagan to splash him too. Dinner has quickly become a non-existent event as everybody is vying to be the "winner."

"Ding-Ding" Round 3: Reagan announces "I'm thinking of a color." Now, for whatever reason, nobody can get this one. Of course, I'm yelling out answers like "PERIWINKLE" and "CHARTREUSE." While Noah and Eli are giving the standard "RED!", "YELLOW!" and "BLUE!" answers. Then there's Jack, who again is making no sense and yelling out "TRIANGLE" and "COOKIES" when Aunt Reagan's finger flies around and points to him. We were speeding around the table so fast with our answers, I think he just wanted to blurt out SOMETHING. We go around a couple more times, then Reagan points to Jack, he jumps up in his chair and yells at the top of his lungs "PENIS!" We all stop and look at each other while this registers in our minds. I'm thinking "Did he just say PENIS?" After about 5 seconds, we all decide that Yes, that is what he said and we erupt into laughter. This of course, eggs Jack on even more. So now he's repeatedly standing up in his chair yelling "PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!" Now all control is lost and every time he yells it, we are laughing harder and harder. Reagan has tears rolling down her cheeks, I am crossing my legs to prevent an accident, and Noah and Eli are literally on the floor rolling around. After five minutes of hysterics, Reagan somewhat gains her composure and announces "I'm sorry Jack, 'penis' is NOT the color I'm thinking of."

Naturally, this scenario gets played back over and over again in our house for several days aftwerwards, thanks to Noah and Eli. They tell each other the story again and again, as if the other one wasn't there. They tell their friends, and anybody else who visits our house, including our home teachers from Church. When I ask a question like "What color of fruit roll up do you want in your lunch?" Eli replies "Hmmm, how about....... PENIS?" BAHAHAHA more uncontrollable laughter. At first I tried to tame it, then I came to realize that I am stuck listening to humor like this for at least the next 18 years. It comes with having all boys. When I asked my pediatrician several years ago what to do to stop all the "potty" humor, he laughed and replied "There is no stopping it. Anything with the words "pee," "poo," "fart," and "butt" will always be hilarous to them. I'd like to tell you it's a phase, but in all honesty, you'll be lucky if it stops by the time they get married."

All I have to say is I hope that "penis" isn't the new hot color this Spring.

Super Tuesday

I got up at O'dark thirty this morning and left to go vote before Joel went to work. There I was, looking stellar in my sweat pants that I snatched up off the floor and the sweatshirt I wore to run on the treadmill the day before. Not to mention my slept on hair, that is quite scary when I go to bed with it wet. However, I didn't need to worry, because I was the ONLY person there. Seriously, I couldn't believe it. Last time I voted in November, I waited in line for 40 minutes, and that was just a local election. Evidently, everybody figured Mitt had it in the bag, and nobody bothered to brave the cold to go to their polling site. When I got there, they asked my name and looked me up in the huge book of voters. The lady then says "Oh! You're registered as an independent." I confirm her observation and look at her quizzically because she obviously had SOME reason to bring that up. She goes on to say that this is a party based election, and if I want to vote Republican, I must officially declare myself a Republican. However, I have no interest in declaring myself affilliated with ANY political party. I've been registered as Independent since I was 18, and I'm not changing it now because of some LAME-O Utah law. So I ask...."And what if I wanted to vote Democratic?" She says "You don't have to declare yourself a Democrat to vote Democratic." I say "Good! We all know Mitt has everything wrapped up here so I'm voting for Obama in an attempt to keep Hillary out of the White House." I thought the guy sitting next to her was going to fall out of his chair laughing. After several minutes of laughing and coughing, he holds up his hand and says "Ya know, we're not allowed to say anything, but I'm REALLY wishing I could chime in with you right now." So, I gave him a laugh AND did my civic duty, all before the sun was up. What a productive morning!

An Amazing Man

Last night I was at work, when our clerk came back and told us that she just heard President Hinckley had passed away. "WHAT? What did you say?" I couldn't believe it! Yes, I know he was 97 years old, but like my Grandpa Chesser, I expected him to live forever. What an amazing man he was. I adored his sense of humor. What he did to bring the Church forward in the public eye is unmatched by any other. His many interviews with Mike Wallace, Larry King, and others really educated the nation about Mormonism. Suddenly, it wasn't this odd religion anymore. I have such love for him. When I would listen to him speak and he would say "I love you brothers and sisters"....I truly felt that he did. He counseled tolerance between all people over and over again. On the news last night, they interviewed leaders of other faiths concerning his death. It was amazing to see these leaders of the Jewish, Baptist, and Catholic faiths, that all said "I considered him a good friend and a great man. He meant what he said. He did wonderful things for all people all over the world. He was a great humanitarian." He will be missed, but I have no doubt that he is blissfully happy, walking side by side with Majorie once again.....probably still cracking jokes about how old he lived to be.

Cabin Fever

A few days after Christmas, we left with the Bush's to spend four days in a cabin above Heber City. The cabin belongs to one of the Docs Trisha works with, and he's such a good guy that he lets anybody use it, free of charge. We couldn't wait to get out of the city and play for four days. We have been planning this for months, and it was a surprise for all the boys. Yes.....ALL the boys....all EIGHT of them. With our family and theirs, we have eight boys, the oldest who is nine years old. It's loud, it's crazy, and it's chaotic when they are all together, but above all, it's fun. We were told we would need a four wheel drive or snowmobiles to get up to the cabin, so we planned on taking Joel's truck. The good ol' 1972 chevy that has as much rust as it does paint. But it's reliable, and will haul all our crapola and firewood! AND above all....it will get us up the mountain. So, late Saturday afternoon, we set off for the mountains. The Bush's in their mini-van, Joel and the three oldest boys in his truck, and me and baby Logan in Whitney's little Honda, which believe it or not, gets around great in the snow!

Of course, we planned on leaving at about 2pm....but let's get real here, we're traveling with eight children, so we actually started up the canyon at 5pm....just as it's getting dark. NO PROBLEM! However, it started snowing halfway up the canyon....hmmmm this could make it interesting. We follow the directions, and there is constant chatter back and forth on the two way radios between the three cars. It's obvious that the adults are just as hyper and excited about our little trip as the kids are. When we finally get to the "unpaved" portion of the trip, we decide that all three vehicles will go as far as they can. Then, Joel will hook up the tow strap, and help us up the mountain when needed and we'll get all three vehicles to the cabin. I did great in the Honda, as long as I maintained my speed. We were all poking fun of the signs posted all over that say things like "WARNING! CHAINS REQUIRED" or "4X4 VEHICLES ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT". We were SO much smarter.....we were going to get a hatchback Honda and a mini van up that mountain. However, reality set in as I was the first to get stuck. Then while trying to get unstuck, the car slid around and went nose first into a snowbank. Logan found this to be great fun, and in all honesty, so did I! Joel pulled me out, and I made it another 200 hundred yards to where the Bush's couldn't make it any farther in their van, and we both pulled off into a little parking area. Joel and Larry jumped in the truck and went a few more miles up the road to check out the cabin, and look things over before we all bombarded it. Then they came back, Larry waited with Trish and some kids, and Joel helped me up the mountain. The amount of snow up there was CRAZY. In areas where it wasn't plowed, it was literally as deep as Eli is tall. We made it up to the cabin, and Joel went back down the mountain to get the Bush's. I unloaded the Honda, fed the kids that were with me, and we waited, and waited, and waited........

Finally Larry comes through the door and with a sigh of relief I say, "There you guys are! I was getting worried" He smiles that million dollar smile of his and says "Joel's truck broke down." Now, Larry likes to joke around, so I completely think he is pulling my leg. "yeah, whatever." I say. He looks at me (still smiling) "No, really, it did, the engine threw a rod." Now, I'm no mechanic, but I KNOW this is bad. I look at Larry, still doubting him somewhat and ask "Then how did YOU get up here?" He replies "I hitchhiked and caught a ride on the back of a snowmobile." Now I KNOW he's yankin' my chain and I bound over to the door to go help everyone unload the truck and van, but guess what.....nobody else is outside. Larry is telling the truth! To make a very long story short, the neighbors in the cabin across the road drove Larry back down the mountain, and pulled Trish and the kids up in the van, and gave Larry and Joel a ride back.

We decide we're not going to let this spoil our trip and oh well! At least we have two other cars we can use when all this is said and done. We have a fabulous time for four days, playing non-stop. We go sledding, gorge ourselves with food, have the hot chocolate machine running constantly, movies playing, playing games, and the adults were known to play the Bush's new Wii until 3 am every night. My arm is STILL recovering from playing doubles tennis all night long and kicking Joel and Trish's cans. Oh yes, Larry and I were an awesome tennis team. Never mind the fact that we were playing in such a small area that every time I swung my arm back for my forehand, I racked Larry. Poor guy, he started playing on his knees to avoid further injury. Needless to say, we had a FABULOUS time.

Then Tuesday came, the day to go home. We suddenly thought to ourselves...."How are we going to get home?" Even if we had cars able to get down the mountain unassisted, we didn't have enough room for everybody! We called our dear friend John and explained our little situation. I can still hear the tone of his voice when he asked me over the phone "So let me get this right.....you took your HONDA and a MINI-VAN to go up to this cabin? Are you serious?" I suddenly felt like a little kid explaining to my dad some really brainless thing I had just done. So John drove his truck all the way up and rescued us off the mountain. And man, did he come prepared.....snowshoes, cross country skies, cold weather survival equipment....I think he thought he was getting us down from Mt. Everest. Bless his heart, he saved the day. Joel's truck stayed up there another three days before we could tow it home, which is another story in and of itself. I'll spare you though. Was it worth the cost of a new engine? YES! I mean, when you put four feet of snow together with a compact car, a mini- van, a "rescue" 4x4 truck, and some of your favorite people, it doesn't get much more fun than that! We would do it again in a heartbeat.......just with different vehicles next time.

Bear with me....

OK, I know it's been an eternity (again) since I've posted. I have LOTS of things to post about, including Christmas, New Year's at the cabin with the Bush's, getting stranded on the mountain of said cabin, a trip to Phoenix to visit the Crane's, etc etc etc. Tonight, I am trying to get out the door to go to NYC and spend four days with Joel.........BY OURSELVES. Yes it's true, a "no minors" vacation if you would like to call it that. Joel is actually there for a job interview and we are extending the trip to vacation by ourselves. It's a first in almost nine years. Oh yes, what a pathetic life we live. Ok, maybe not pathetic, but definitely one filled with kids! I am currently trying to clean my house enough that Reagan can actually see the floor to walk on it when she comes tonight to stay with the boys. So bear with me.....I will post soon. I'm hoping to have some time in NYC to do it......imagine....getting on the computer WHENEVER I want....aaaaaah the life of luxury. We'll catch up soon, I promise!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

The countdown is on! The boys are officially out of school for a month and getting more and more hyper by the day. We got a foot of fresh snow and the snowpants, sleds, and hot cocoa have perpetually been out and in use. I LOVE this time of year! The fact that I have three little boys that understand and believe in the concept of Santa Clause is thee best. I have also managed to TiVo every Christmas special that ever was and is and we watch them over and over. Our Christmas tree is up and FINALLY decorated.....although there are no ornaments on the bottom four feet or so. It looks a little odd, but it beats having Logan undecorate the tree on a daily basis. There are also no presents under the tree. Not that we didn't try, but they only lasted a matter of hours, until the coast was clear, and then Jack proceded to unwrap them all. After it happened, Noah promptly called me at work to inform me that he truly believes Jack will only get coal in his stocking this year. There is only one thing better than Christmas time as a child, and that is experiencing Christmas time with your own children. It's absolutely the best. I get just as excited as they do when the snow starts falling, the Christmas music is on, and we see Santa around town. My only wish is that we could have them this age forever......at Christmas time at least.

The Week At A Glance

OK, ok. My apologies for being MIA for about three weeks. Although I did warn you that my postings may be sporatic. I feel this pressure to entertain with my posts, so when I don't have entertaining things to write about (ie swearing in prayers at church) I don't post.

Life is still crazy at the Nielsen Nuthouse. Add in the fact that Christmas is a week away, and it turns into a full blown three ring circus. I only have five minutes before the boys walk in the door from school, so I'll brief you on the highlights (and lowlights) of the last week:

*We've been receiving Christmas cards in the mail. Yeah! Although the number is quite sparse this year. (It may have something to do with the fact that I haven't gotten them out for the past three years, or it may be the fact that people simply can't stand us, who knows.) We like to tape them up on the wall in the kitchen to look at. For whatever reason, I ALWAYS forget to buy scotch tape when I go to the store. So last night, after TWO WEEKS of forgetting it....I remembered! I even bought the jumbo christmas sized roll. I set it on the counter last night so I could tape up the cards today. However, when I got out of the shower today, Jack had found the jumbo roll of scotch tape. It is now the jumbo UNROLLED package of scotch tape. As it stretched from the kitchen, around the banister three times, down the hall, around my bed, and ended in a pile in the hot tub room.

*It's obviously the day for unrolling. After replacing empty toilet paper rolls in two bathrooms with big double sized rolls of toilet paper.......Logan found both of them and promptly yanked them all off the spool, and it is thrown all over both bathrooms. Oh well, I guess it's better he do that than make poo stew again.

*Last week the flu bug hit our house full force. One night, I had three out of the four boys throwing up all night long. How much bedding did I wash, you ask? Here's the grand totals:

*8 sheets

*10 blankets

*3 mattress pads

*4 pillow cases

*1 crib bumper

*1 teddy bear

*1 throw rug

Aaaah yes, the water company is going to love me this month.

*Joel has a job interview in NYC next month. We are so excited for the opportunity and I get to go with. Since Mom and Dad Nielsen are serving a mission in New Jersey (30 miles away from NYC) we get to stay with them for free! Even if the job doesn't pan out, I'm excited to see all the sights, as I've never been.

I'm sure your houses are just as crazy as ours! I have a funny story to post, but I just don't have the time now. So hopefully by tomorrow. Until then.......

Entrepreneur

Noah tends to get along well with kids a little older than he is. He has a good friend that lives two houses down from us, that is in 7th grade. At first, I was hesitant, because the difference between a third grader and a seventh grader is HUGE. However, David is such a good kid, and he and Noah get along famously. A couple times a month, I let Noah ride his bike or scooter up to Wal-Mart with David. This is the highlight of his week when he goes. Cruising the 14 different aisles with $2 in his hand. See, the rule is, he has to take his own money that he has earned from allowance. Noah has been sliding on his chores, so for three weeks straight he has earned about 50 cents. This is absolutely pathetic, since if he just does his simple chores every day, he would earn $3.50 in a week, plus any bonus jobs he does. So, I thought I was teaching him such a grand "consequence" lesson the other day when he came in and asked to go to Wal-Mart with David.

Me: Well, I don't see any sense in you going, since you haven't done your chores forever and you have NO money to spend.

Noah: I have money.

Me: (making an assumption) No, you can not use David's money.

Noah: I have my own money that I earned.

Me: No, you haven't earned ANY money this week.

Noah: Yes I have, I just earned seven bucks.

Me: WHAT?

To sum it up, David and Noah decided to knock on neighbor's doors and offer to rake leaves. What do they charge, you ask? FOURTEEN DOLLARS AN HOUR. Seven for David, seven for Noah. Together they are making more than I did at my first job out of college and he's only eight! And wouldn't you know, the first door they knocked on, they were hired. My neighbors are buying my kid out from underneath me! I suddenly imagine no chores ever done again! He really can't help it though, the poor kid is Mormon with Jewish blood. He was born to wheel and deal. Tight is his first name, cheap is his middle. He and David are already scheming up a window washing business for next summer. If you need a loan, call 1-800- bank-of-noah, I think he'll be able to retire before he hits high school!

My Little Linus

At the risk of sounding like I favor one of my children......I must post about Jack, again. Not that I don't adore my other three boys just as much....it's just that Jack is at that age (2-4 in my opinion) when they say and do the funniest things!

Ever since Jack's phobia of the police began, he's been attached to me at the hip. This is odd in a way, because he has always been a daddy's boy. But lately, he even cries when I leave to go to work, which has NEVER happened. Go figure. Maybe after three long years, he figured out that I'm his mom, who knows. Because of our temporary hip attachment, and said phobia, I started a more complicated bedtime routine with him. After we say family prayer and put the big boys to bed, I head upstairs with Jack and spend about 15 minutes with him in his room. This is how tonight's tuck in time went:

Jack: Mom, you lay down with me and sing three songs and say prayer?

Me: Sure

Jack: OK Mom, here's your spot (patting to a 4" corner of the bed he has so thoughtfully reserved for me)

Me: OK, what song are we going to sing?

Jack: Mom, you sing three songs and sleep with me for three minutes?

Me: Yes, I'll sing three songs and sleep with you for three minutes.

Jack: You sing three songs and sleep with me for three hours?

Me: You're pushing it, buster.

Jack: Oh

We proceed to sing Twinkle Twinkle, Row Row Row Your Boat, and Five Little Ducks. Then Jack says a prayer which includes a request that "the brothers don't fight and hit." Was he reading my mind? Then Jack says "Time to go to sleep now, mom?" I say "Yep, time to go to sleep." He throws his arms up in the air, as if in victory and says "Yeeeessssss!" Then rolls over on his side away from me. This is my favorite part of tuck in time because it always makes me smile. With his right hand, he sticks his thumb in his mouth. It might bother me if he didn't look so stinking cute doing it. He found that thumb at four months old and hasn't let go of it since, especially when he sleeps. Who am I to judge, I sucked my thumb while I slept until I was 12 or 13....no lie. Then with his left hand he clenches my arm with a death grip as if we are parachuting out of a plane at 35,000 feet. Finally, in a desperate attempt to fall asleep before it's time for me to get up and leave his room, he closes his eyes SO tight that he squints them. I remember begging my mom to stay in my room until I fell asleep when I was little, so the fact that he does this is nostalgic for me. So he does his thumb sucking, death gripping, eye squinting for about thirty seconds. Then, without opening his eyes, or moving any other part of his body, he abruptly pulls his thumb out of his mouth, throws his arm behind his head toward me and says (while still facing the wall).......

"Mom, you wanna suck my fumb?"

Me: "Ummm, no thank you"

Jack:" You don't have a fumb to suck?"

Me: "My thumb sucking days are over"

Jack:" Oh, I sorry. You my buddy, Mom?"

Me:"I sure am"

Jack:"And I your buddy, Mom?"

Me:"Of course!"

Jack:"OK, goodnight Mom buddy, I wuv you"

No matter what has happened in the previous 12 hours of that day, when it ends like that, it's all worth it. Good night buddy, I love you too!