Entrepreneur

Noah tends to get along well with kids a little older than he is. He has a good friend that lives two houses down from us, that is in 7th grade. At first, I was hesitant, because the difference between a third grader and a seventh grader is HUGE. However, David is such a good kid, and he and Noah get along famously. A couple times a month, I let Noah ride his bike or scooter up to Wal-Mart with David. This is the highlight of his week when he goes. Cruising the 14 different aisles with $2 in his hand. See, the rule is, he has to take his own money that he has earned from allowance. Noah has been sliding on his chores, so for three weeks straight he has earned about 50 cents. This is absolutely pathetic, since if he just does his simple chores every day, he would earn $3.50 in a week, plus any bonus jobs he does. So, I thought I was teaching him such a grand "consequence" lesson the other day when he came in and asked to go to Wal-Mart with David.

Me: Well, I don't see any sense in you going, since you haven't done your chores forever and you have NO money to spend.

Noah: I have money.

Me: (making an assumption) No, you can not use David's money.

Noah: I have my own money that I earned.

Me: No, you haven't earned ANY money this week.

Noah: Yes I have, I just earned seven bucks.

Me: WHAT?

To sum it up, David and Noah decided to knock on neighbor's doors and offer to rake leaves. What do they charge, you ask? FOURTEEN DOLLARS AN HOUR. Seven for David, seven for Noah. Together they are making more than I did at my first job out of college and he's only eight! And wouldn't you know, the first door they knocked on, they were hired. My neighbors are buying my kid out from underneath me! I suddenly imagine no chores ever done again! He really can't help it though, the poor kid is Mormon with Jewish blood. He was born to wheel and deal. Tight is his first name, cheap is his middle. He and David are already scheming up a window washing business for next summer. If you need a loan, call 1-800- bank-of-noah, I think he'll be able to retire before he hits high school!

My Little Linus

At the risk of sounding like I favor one of my children......I must post about Jack, again. Not that I don't adore my other three boys just as much....it's just that Jack is at that age (2-4 in my opinion) when they say and do the funniest things!

Ever since Jack's phobia of the police began, he's been attached to me at the hip. This is odd in a way, because he has always been a daddy's boy. But lately, he even cries when I leave to go to work, which has NEVER happened. Go figure. Maybe after three long years, he figured out that I'm his mom, who knows. Because of our temporary hip attachment, and said phobia, I started a more complicated bedtime routine with him. After we say family prayer and put the big boys to bed, I head upstairs with Jack and spend about 15 minutes with him in his room. This is how tonight's tuck in time went:

Jack: Mom, you lay down with me and sing three songs and say prayer?

Me: Sure

Jack: OK Mom, here's your spot (patting to a 4" corner of the bed he has so thoughtfully reserved for me)

Me: OK, what song are we going to sing?

Jack: Mom, you sing three songs and sleep with me for three minutes?

Me: Yes, I'll sing three songs and sleep with you for three minutes.

Jack: You sing three songs and sleep with me for three hours?

Me: You're pushing it, buster.

Jack: Oh

We proceed to sing Twinkle Twinkle, Row Row Row Your Boat, and Five Little Ducks. Then Jack says a prayer which includes a request that "the brothers don't fight and hit." Was he reading my mind? Then Jack says "Time to go to sleep now, mom?" I say "Yep, time to go to sleep." He throws his arms up in the air, as if in victory and says "Yeeeessssss!" Then rolls over on his side away from me. This is my favorite part of tuck in time because it always makes me smile. With his right hand, he sticks his thumb in his mouth. It might bother me if he didn't look so stinking cute doing it. He found that thumb at four months old and hasn't let go of it since, especially when he sleeps. Who am I to judge, I sucked my thumb while I slept until I was 12 or 13....no lie. Then with his left hand he clenches my arm with a death grip as if we are parachuting out of a plane at 35,000 feet. Finally, in a desperate attempt to fall asleep before it's time for me to get up and leave his room, he closes his eyes SO tight that he squints them. I remember begging my mom to stay in my room until I fell asleep when I was little, so the fact that he does this is nostalgic for me. So he does his thumb sucking, death gripping, eye squinting for about thirty seconds. Then, without opening his eyes, or moving any other part of his body, he abruptly pulls his thumb out of his mouth, throws his arm behind his head toward me and says (while still facing the wall).......

"Mom, you wanna suck my fumb?"

Me: "Ummm, no thank you"

Jack:" You don't have a fumb to suck?"

Me: "My thumb sucking days are over"

Jack:" Oh, I sorry. You my buddy, Mom?"

Me:"I sure am"

Jack:"And I your buddy, Mom?"

Me:"Of course!"

Jack:"OK, goodnight Mom buddy, I wuv you"

No matter what has happened in the previous 12 hours of that day, when it ends like that, it's all worth it. Good night buddy, I love you too!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys....Whatcha gonna do?

By this point in my motherhood career, I thought I was quite schooled in irrational childhood fears. Elijah was and still IS our irrational fear extraordinaire. Everything from lions in the basement, boogey men coming through a crack in the window pane, three headed dogs (Thank you, Harry Potter), and my personal favorite......the fear of pickles.

We now have a new one to add to the list, compliments of Jack.......the police. (Or powice as he calls them.) How on earth would a three year old develop the fear of police, you ask? Well, let me share. Joel TiVo's the show "Cops." (OK, ok, it's his white trash guilty pleasure, cut him some slack here.....my white trash guilty pleasure is People Magazine, but I digress...) One evening, Joel was watching "Cops" and Jack wandered into the room, climbed up on the bed, and began watching with him. It just so happens, that this episode of "Cops" was in New Orleans, during Mardi Gras. (I can already hear the gasps, and people running to their phones to turn us into Child Protective Services.....Cops is bad enough...but Cops in MARDI GRAS???!!) There were three great lessons for any kid to learn from this Cops episode. (Did I really just say that?)

1. No spitting

2. No peeing outside

3. No running around naked

We actually thought this little 30 minute "educational" TV show had done wonders when Jack was bouncing around from seat to seat in the van, and Joel promptly said, "Jack, if you don't put your seat belt on, the police can arrest you." He immediately stopped and said "Powice will awest me?" then jumped in his seat, and started screaming..."Quick, put my seat bewlt on, mom! Powice awest me!" Joel and I looked at each other and thought to ourselves..."WOW! Why didn't we try that line with Noah and Eli at this age?"

Fast forward about four weeks. Add to that four weeks, the jumbled thoughts of a three year old. Jack is now TERRIFIED of the police. He was in the back yard, jumping on the trampoline, and came in hysterically screaming "Powice coming to get me, powice coming to get me!" because he heard sirens outside. We've been telling him for two months what a big boy he is now, for going pee in the potty. He has somehow confused "Big boy" with "Bad boy" and thinks the "powice" are coming to get him because he's a big boy. He now gets up 4-5 times every night, shaking, sweating and crying that the police are coming to take him. I opened an e mail my mom sent me that was a safety video done by a Sheriff's office. As soon as the video started to play and Jack saw the Sheriff's deputy in uniform, he started crying and screaming. Last but not least, I couldn't get him in the tub last night, because he was afraid he was going to be arrested for being naked.

We have tried and tried to explain that the police are our friends. That they keep us safe, and get the bad guys. (In Jack's mind, insert "big boys" here) I talked until I was blue in the face about how it's OK to be naked in your HOUSE, but not outside. I've even checked out some children's books from the library about the police. But, I'm telling you, the kid won't budge. When it all started, it was cute and funny.......now it's controlling my days and nights. I'm beginning to hate the police, myself!

My last ditch effort is going to be to introduce Jack to my friend's husband. He's a SWAT Sargent and I'm hoping if I prime him with a cool toy ahead of time, Jack will be putty in his hands. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. In the mean time, no spitting, no peeing outside, no running around naked, and for heavens sake, PLEASE wear your seat belt!